I want time to come to a standstill.4 months seems...

Was giving Karthik the gifts wrong?If it was, I wo...

Baby just made his way home after our private part...

1. Honestly what color is your shirt?- Black and P...

1. How old will you be in 3 birthdays?- 20.2. Do y...

You.Can.Only.Type.One.Word.No.Explanations.1. Your...

Most people can't live without their ...

1.Are you stubborn? var curDiv = ...

Guess what?I was looking through my inbox and i fo...

i was feeling really bored yesterday.and with all ...

December 2005

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credits

Layout: Detonated Love
Pictures: Ohhspontaneityy
Stocks: Excentric
Edited: Shamita

now if you wanna know why im being crazy, then watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlA-w9zuF9U
but its not that sim touched my hand larh.
haha.

i havent start on SS!
gosh im getting stressed man.
in the lib with my someone now.
shes downstairs rotting while im destressing.
last night was so depressing larh.
dont ask me why.
but today's better with my someone. (:

WHY MUST IT BE THIS SATURDAY??
WHEN THERE IS NO SCHOOL????
i gotta do smth special tmrw larh.
im stressed.
dnoe what to do.
and need to study also.
im super stressed.

WHY MUST IT BE THIS SATURDAY??
WHEN THERE IS NO SCHOOL????
i gotta do smth special tmrw larh.
im stressed.
dnoe what to do.
and need to study also.
im super stressed.

today was simply hilarious. and of course, stressful.
1) hazie and i went to LJS in the morn and realised that we were the only ones.
2) hazie ate TWO burgers for breakfast. [sorry babes]
3) outside the lib, pple were waiting for it to open in a damn QUEUE.
4) when the door was opened, pple RAN into the lib.
5) both of us were alone in the lib toilet. while inside the cubicle, i was humming.
then hazie asked me if i was humming and i decided to say no.
i put up a drama of being scared and hazie got frightened.
she left my handphone, ipod and wallet in the toilet and ran out.
6) i got scared myself and ran outta the cubicle without zipping the jeans and all.
7) hazie was so scared that she wanted to go to the toilet for handicaps.
8) there was a cute guy sitting behind hazie.
she removed her pullover so that the guy can see her name on the jersey.
seriously, she has sucha weirdly brilliant mind.
9) hazie thought that PIGEONS were a species related to PIGS.
10) she thought that PIGEONS were called CROWS.
so juz imagine how i was laughing the entire day.
but now im back home.
and feeling stressed.
oh yes, when you see me, rmb to slap me.
i went down to the shop looking like a filipino maid.
hair in a bun, fringe pinned up, not sexy clothes and.. juz not pretty.
i juz had to see valentino man.
he was gonna go off in his bike with his bro.
and he smiled at me.
i was seriously wondering WHY i went down looking like that.
and then, why i broke up with sucha handsome, sweet boy.
oh now i rmb, i wanted to be loyal to Hydrogen.
what a waste man, i lost smth for NOTHING IN RETURN.

i've said it a million times.
i dont wanna hear anyth abt her, geddit?
whether she says hie to you or sends you home, you jolly well KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.
dont call me so many times to report to me.
so pissed off this aftnn.
she called me THREE times when i was sleeping.
then she went, "will you be angry if i told you Hydrogen sent me hme?"
i was like, what the hell man.
and then i had to tell her that i dont give a damn and all.
my goodness, it annoys me really.
HOW ON EARTH DOES IT CONCERN ME IF YOU WENT HOME WITH HER?
afterall, i dont even know her on a personal level.
and YOU, do you hafta tell her that i msged you?
whatever man.
on a lighter note, my nalla neram tdae was 01:42 pm.
hahaha.
i was juz telling hazie that i didnt get to see Chromium the entire day and she walked past.
gosh the smile on my face was simply huge and hazie started laughing.
Chromium gave us this weird look. lol.
Girls, my issue abt Chromium must be TOP-SECRET okay?
i hate you because you're filling my heart
which was once so full of pure and true love
with sheer hatred and disgust.

shes really upsetting me.
i knw its mind over matter and stuff.
but why does she hafta put me through it in the first place?
its not easy to stop my mind frm thinking abt her.
but i have to.
coz if i think abt her, then all that there would be is confusion and unhappiness.
i mean, the regret is one thing.
the other thing is that i've gotten so used to her.
she is my life and without her, i dnoe where i stand.
i juz wanna have the peace of mind to know that shes with me.
is it THAT difficult to spend 15 mins with me each day?
the more she changes, the more im starting to dislike her.
its not that i dont love Hydrogen.
i always will love Hydrogen, the old Hydrogen.
this woman i know now is a complete STRANGER.
i hope things get better soon, really.
its all in her hands.

headed to je lib in the morn with her..
revised geog and did tamil hmwk..
came back at abt 6.
destressed by watching norbit.
it was super, super, super hilarious.
then did tamil hmwk again..
now im feeling so damn tired.
like seriously, seriously exhausted.
body's aching, head aching and temperature's rising.
but gotta go tmrw.
i think i shd retire to bed early tdae.
i've been missing you a lot lately.
each time i msg you, you dont wanna msg me properly.
you dont wanna make convo.
you're not interested the least bit.
no matter how much i complain, you dont wanna set aside even a few mins for me.
its not that im sad or anyth, have gotten used to it.
but regret is an even worse feeling.
im starting to feel regret.
regretting things which gave me all the joy in the world.
hope you understand.
can we go back to how it was before?
please?
i promise i'll not make mistakes again.
i promise to be good.

today was quite productive.
esp night study.
finished a whole amaths paper.
without getting distracted coz i had the ipod on.
or else the noise that those group of gurls make will definitely disturb me.
night walk was only at 8.
brought my sec3 sweetheart along.
haha, tdae wasnt scary at all.
the art room was open and lots of pple arnd.
oh yes, before i forget.
SS lesson was simply hilarious tdae.
firstly, hazie wrote in her essay on Spore's population policies smth that really cracked me up.
she wrote, "most married couples choose to have less than two VEGETATION" instead of CHILDREN.
ROFL. it was super funny.
then CT was really making me laugh.
the bell had already rung and she continued with the lesson.
the funny part was she kept saying "lastly, finally, one last reminder" and it dragged on for abt 20 mins.
then juz as hazie was relieved and abt to leave the classroom, CT came in and told us, "girls girls go bck to your seats. one last thing."
you should've seen our faces.
i couldnt suppress my laughter man.
lots and lots of msgs were coming in tdae.
but none from the person i want it to be.
sick and tired of replying.
that pretty much sums up the day.
im off to sleep now.

so how come i didnt know that all these pple have feelings for Hydrogen?
why didnt she tell me?
i really dont like this you knw.
i mean, pple juz stop it will ya?
it seriously annoys me the way you pple run after her and make a fool out of yourselves.
shes not aishwarya rai.
shes Hydrogen.
well its definitely a good thing that im moving on.
coz she has no time for me and all.
im juz one of the many crazy girls who are after her.
nothing special abt me.

did she like slam the door in my face tdae?
tsk, why doesnt she talk to me man?

im really confused..
and im tired.
how am i gonna talk to him over lunch tmrw?
and im not going to sch for this man.
im shy and i dnoe what to say to him.
thought of talking to Hydrogen abt things but she didnt answer my call.
i dnoe, im really confused.

YOU FUCKING WONT BELIEVE THIS!
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF SUCH A BLOODY HOT GUY SHOOTS YOU A FLYING KISS??
WELL, MADDY GAVE ME A FLYING KISS.
HAHAHAHA, IM SO DAMN LUCKY.
im busy larh.
meeting my boy tomorrow. (;

1. What are your initials?
- i dnoe, SESL?

2. What is your favourite thing to
wear?
- bras with matching undies.

3. Last thing you ate?
- milo in sch.

4. I say "SHOTGUN", you say?
- what gun?

5. Last person you hugged?
- li ling.

6. Does anyone you know want to date
you?
- dnoe.

7. The last place you went out to eat?
- uh, cheers.

8. Who is your best friend(s)?
- the girls larh.

9. What do you want to eat at the
moment?
- nothing.

10. Who/What made you angry today?
- nothing.

11. Favorite type of Food?
- chocolates.

12. Favourite holiday:
- no preference.

13. Do you download music:
- yeah.

14. Do you care if your socks are
dirty?
- not really.

15. Would you date the person who
posted this?
- no way.

16. Has anyone ever sang or played
music for you personally?
- yes. -blushes.

17. Do you love anyone?
- hahaha.

18. Have you ever bungee jumped?
- no way man.

19. Have you ever gone sky diving?
- never going to.

20. Has anyone ten years older than you
ever hit on you?
- definitely.

23. How is the weather right now?
- i dnoe.

24. What are you listening to right
now?
- yemmadi aathadi.

25. What is your current favourite
song?
- all simbu songs.


26. What was the last movie you
watched?
- thiruvilaiyaadal.

27. Do you wear contacts?
- yups.

28. Where was the last place you went
besides your house?
- school.

29. How many piercing have you had?
- two.

30. How many red shirts you own?
- quite a number.

31. What's one thing you've learned
this year?
- dont be kpo.

32. Have you ever fired a gun?
- nopes.

33. Favourite channels/shows?
- desp hsewives.

34. Have you cried recently?
- yesterday.

35. Who would you like to see right
now?
- Hydrogen.

36. Favourite movie?
- Manmadan, Vallavan.

37. Do you find yourself loved?
- yes, but for my beauty only.

38. Have you ever been caught doing
something you weren't suppose to?
- yesh.

39. Favourite flower?
- roses.

40. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
- sweetened please.

41. What Magazines are you reading?
- Cine Fashion.

42. Who or what made you laugh today?
- Hydrogen.

43. What's something that really bugs
you?
- her class girls.

44. Do you like Michael Jackson?
- nah.

45. What's your favourite smell?
- the way she smells.

46. Favourite cereal?
- corn flakes.

47. What's the longest time you've
gone without sleep?
- two days.

48. Where is the weirdest place you
have slept?
- cant remember.

today was good. (:
this is me.
im shamita.

1. How old are you and do you look
your age?
- im 16 but pple say i look 18.

2. Who is the last person that called
you?
- sofia.

3. Who is the last person that texted
you?
- vicky.

4. Where is the first place you went
today?
- Guardian pharmacy.

5. Last time you were at the beach?
- seriously cant remember.

6. Are you tan?
- yeah i think so.

7. Do you like rollercoasters?
- no way.

9. Next concert you are going to?
- YEAH OMG! THE 75 CELEBRATIONS THINGY! $500 TICKET!

10. When did you last buy a new pair
of pants?
- think last month.

11. Name a friend who lives in another
country?
- my manmadan.

13. Who was the first person you
talked to this morning?
- Ponny.

14. How many peircings do you have?
- two.

15. Last time you posted a new
Friendster
picture?
- 3 weeks ago.

16. What was the first city you lived
in?
- Lion city.

19. Have you ever been camping?
- yeaps.

20. Name a random line from a song.
- vallava ennai vellava... -starts singing.

21. Do you own a cellphone?
- who doesnt, seriously?

22. Furthest place you have driven
yourself?
- i dnot drive.

23. What was the highlight of your
week?
- let's not talk abt that.

24. Last time you got your hair cut?
- 13 july.

25. What was the last museum you went
to?
- the one in my paalbottle.

28. Do you have any pictures that you
don't remember taking?
- yesh.

29. Are any of your friends pregnant?
- my cousin.

31. Do you have any nicknames?
- no.

33. Have you ever had braces?
- nopes.

34. Do you have glasses/contacts?
- yeah.

35. What are your big plans for the
month?
- no big plans.

36. Do you know what tofu is?
- tofu is tofu rite?

37. What is the last movie you watched?
- you're not gonna believe this. thiruvilaiyaadal.

38. Do you have a dog?
- nopes.

39. What is the last concert/show you
went to?
- ITFA.

41. If you could see one person right
now who would it be?
- who else would it be?

42. Last movie you saw in the theater?
- Harry Potter.

43. Do you get jealous easily?
- i think so.

44. What do you do when your mad?
- shout, cry, scream.

45. Do you think WWE is a negative
role model for young Boys?
- no doubt about that.

and this is an attempt to get rid of the headache.

40 secrets about yourself. be honest
no matter what.

[one] what is your natural hair color?
- black.

[two] where is your default picture
taken?
- in my room.

[three] what's your middle name?
- haha, my name is shamita i don't know eng siew lian.

[four] what color do you hate most?
- pink.

[five] does your crush like you back?
- dont have a crush at the moment.

[six] what is your current mood?
- irritated.

[seven] what color underwear are you
wearing?
- red.

[eight] what makes you most happy?
- spending time with her.

[nine] look at a picture/poster in
your room, who's on it?
- my manmadan.

[ten] if you could go back in time and
change something, what you would
change?
- i wouldnt have come to crescent.

[eleven] if you must be an animal for
one day, what would you be?
- tiger.

[twelve] ever had a near death
experience?
- im dying now.

[thirteen] something you do a lot?
- sleep.

[fourteen] the song stuck in your head?
- wake me up.

[fifteen] what is your desktop
background?
- simbu and i.

[sixteen] what are you wearing?
- brown striped boxers and Gap singlet.

[seventeen] when was the last time you
cried?
- this afternoon.

[eighteen] have you ever sung in front
of a large audience?
- nopes.

[nineteen] if you could have one super
power what would it be?
- to be invisible when i want to.

[twenty] what's the first thing(s) you
notice about the opposite sex?
- uhm, face?

[twenty-one] what do you usually order
from Starbucks?
- coffee larh.

[twenty-two] what's your biggest
secret?
- secrets are meant to be kept.

[twenty-three] favorite color?
- red, black, white.

[twenty-four] is it sunny or raining?
- its not raining but there is no sun coz its 1030pm.

[twenty-five] do you still watch kiddy
movies or TV shows?
- at times.

[twenty-six] what are you eating or
drinking at the moment
- pocky chocolate sticks.

[twenty-seven] do you speak any other
language?
- naan tamizhachi. (:

[twenty-eight] what's your favorite
smell?
- the way she smells.

[twenty-nine] if you could describe
your life in one word what would it be?
- roller coaster.

[thirty] when was the last time you
received a hug?
- hmm, few days ago. from my flirting partner li ling.

[thirty-one] have you ever kissed in
the rain?
- yes but we were under shelter. haha.

[thirty-two] what/who are you thinking
about right now
- the person i kissed in the rain under shelter.

[thirty-three] what should you be
doing?
- homeworking.

[thirty-four] what was the last thing
that made you upset/angry?
- no comments.

[thirty-five] how often do you laugh?
- used to be very frequently. but now, i dnoe, rarely.

[thirty-six] do you like working in
the yard?
- yard? no.

[thirty-seven] if you could have any
last name in the world, what would you
want?
- uhm, silambarasan?

[thirty-eight] do you act differently
around your crush/significant other?
- not really.

[thirty-nine] name one song that
reminds you of an ex?
- promise by stacie orrico.

[forty] who was the last person to
make you cry?
- oh please dont ask.

im so used to being taken care of.
and thats why i went through a lot today.
both mummy and daddy are not in town.
and ponny went out to the airport.
the day sucked.
and im having a very bad headache.
i started mugging without doing hmwk.
and now when i shd start with the hmwk, im too tired.
oh yeah, now i know why i've been cranky the past few days.
its juz a bad case of PMS coupled with whatever problems that came my way.
oh yes, can you believe what i did ystrdae?
some unknown Damn added me on MSN and said she likes Hydrogen.
at first i forced myself to stay calm and all.
and then i juz couldnt take it larh.
plus, i replied her email and got so emotional.
and its a stranger!!
im embarrassed man.
but the reply from Damn was really weird.
i dont understand whats going on.
if she likes Hydrogen, then why is she concerned abt me?
and the person doesnt sound like a jnr man.
whatever it is, i think its wise to stop talking to her.
she seems to be very close to Hydrogen.
so i shdnt talk to her, right?

i cant even tell pple to not love her coz she isnt mine.
do you have any idea how much it hurts when she talks to everyone else but not to me?
and i wish i didnt find my pride.
coz then at least i'll run after her.
its juz too upsetting this way.
and its seriously affecting me a lot.
the world is sucha cruel place.
i'd rather be in hell.
hope you read that God.

i didnt even shed a tear yesterday.
even after everything she said, i didnt cry.
you know why?
coz it has seriously passed the crying stage.
its life at its worst.
no one has ever said such things to me.
the pain is just beyond tears.
and her sorry isnt gonna take back her words.
i dont know howta tell others how it feels.
and my days are apent staring into blank space.
its terrible, really.
maybe i need time.
but i'll never forget it, ever.
and i gotta learn howta smile again.
pple say i've
gotta start smiling.
but smiling hurts.
i shd stay back for night study tmrw.
and seriously get some studying done.

was it sucha big mistake?
i took the number, yes.
but i didnt wanna call or anyth.
please larh, why shd i?
i already knw who it is.
it was a mistake.
a mistake i made coz i was so blinded by love.

♥ Shamita Eng
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